I believe that before delving into the actual review of Silent Night, a Christmas film, it is fair to start with a confession. I hate Christmas. Although, I do not remember a specific reason for my dislike of the festivity originated as a celebration for the birth of Jesus (Christ, not the bowling enthusiast played by John Turturro in The Big Lebowski), I also do not remember a reason to feel joyous and gracious like those characters in Hallmark or Lifetime films, people who seem to be made out of love, warm chocolate, and potpourri.

There are people who say that Christmas is the period of the year in which you reunite with the ones you love, which makes me think that if you love them, why do you only get together in Christmas? There is something fishy going on there.

One can also say that it is a fantastic time to celebrate that another year has passed, and that a new one is about to start. But, given the fact that we have been going through a monumental whirlwind of manure for what feels like an eternity, the arrival of a new year is more like being caught in the centre of a Mexican standoff while everybody reloads their weapons.

To those who enjoy giving and receiving presents I say that, for better or worse, the shops are open throughout the rest of the year as well, so, why do you have the need of buying more in Christmas? I am not a religious person, but I do not remember the part of the Bible in which Jesus was given an XBOX One, some action figures of his favourite characters from Paw Patrol, and 5 pairs of colourful socks.

Christmas songs catastrophically fail to cheer me up or to make me feel Christmassy. Every time I hear Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas Is You, I run to the nearest mountain crying in pain and bleeding from my ears. Last Christmas by Wham! makes me miserable, despite the fact that nobody gave my heart away to another person. John Lennon’s Happy Xmas (War is Over), not only has a terribly written and sadly inaccurate title, but also reminds me of my school years, which were not precisely the happiest of my life. I should make one exception, though, as I find that I can listen to Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! without shouting and destroying any nearby device that can reproduce music. Although I do not understand the need to repeat the title three times, I especially like the version sang by Dean Martin, who I love, but I suspect it might be because in my mind he seems more interested in getting laid than in receiving the visit of Santa. 

Sadly, it happens the same when it comes to films. Obviously, we must take aside any of Lifetime’s contributions, like this year’s An Ice Wine Christmas, You Make It Feel Like Christmas, Saying Yes To Christmas, or Match Made in Mistletoe -the only one I could find without the C word in the title-, as they are the Christmas equivalent of waterboarding, but replacing water with eggnog. The majority of the remaining films fail to make me feel the Christmas spirit inside of me, which put like that might even be a good thing. Love Actually is a charming romantic film, but I believe that it could also have worked brilliantly had it been set in August. Jingle All The Way makes me interested for a crossover in which the character played by the late, great Phil Hartman becomes the lead in a sequel of The Stepfather. I cannot watch neither of the Home Alone films without thinking that they are some sort of prequel to the Saw saga and, to round things up, The Polar Express awakes in me a thirst for warm chocolate that is overcome by the fear of the faces and the dead eyes of each and every one of the characters on the train heading to a station near the Uncanny Valley.

Not everything under the tree is a lump of coal, though, as I love It’s a Wonderful Life. It would be impossible to dislike this milestone of a film, as it is full of heart and it is not afraid to go to darker territories in order to contrast them with the message that our lives are actually relevant and that we do matter in the world. Furthermore, despite having an actual Angel helping James Stewart’s character stay alive, It’s a Wonderful Life goes beyond Christmas as well as religion. In other words, it is not a film that demands you to believe in anything but in yourself and in the fact that people -or at least most of them- have a heart. I also like, though not for the same reasons, Die Hard, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and I cannot avoid but watching and laughing with the naff, naivete of Elf.

Nevertheless, Christmas is here -although for some shops it started in early November-, there is no way around its imminent arrival, and there is also no reason to rant, as I believe I have found the perfect film for a person, who, like me, roots for the Grinch instead of those pesky Whos.                                                                

The setting is not hard to believe: a group of friends and family get together in a house for Christmas. It is evident that most of them wished they were somewhere else, but as neither were brave enough to cancel, they all hide behind their best smiles and pretend to be enjoying themselves. Children can be a nuisance, but so can adults. Thankfully, there are numerous drinks, as well as delicious food -which may or may not contain human blood-. Also, there is an apocalypse that threatens to end life as we know it… and the plot of Silent Night is pretty much the same.

The film, feature length debut of Camille Griffin, has replaced our friends, parents, grandparents siblings, aunts, uncles and children whose names you keep forgetting, with a cast lead by the effortless charm of Keira Knightley, the humorous dissatisfaction of Annabelle Wallis’ character, Matthew Goode’s capacity to maintain a stiff upper lip while everything around him collapses and Roman Griffin Davis’ talent to portray a mature child who is neither annoying nor unreal. Lucy Punch, Lily-Rose Deep, Sope Dirisu, Kirby Howell-Baptiste and Rufus Jones, all of them with slighly smaller roles, round up the cast, all of them making their best efforts to achieve a sense of chemistry and camaradery that makes their bond believable to the audience.

It has been said that comedy is the result of tragedy plus time. However, Griffin -also author of the screen, as well as mother of Roman Griffin Davis and the two twins who star as Knightley and Goode’s children- has ignored that principle, making the bold decision of handling a global pandemic, by drawing a happy face on a mask of seriousness and dramatism. The script points its finger at our anxieties, our incapacity to deal with the consequences of our actions, as well as with the fearful fact that our future might be doomed, but it does all of this with a sense of humour. Like a wisecracking doctor who eventually stops to give you the bad news that you are going to die.

Silent Night is by no means, devoid of moments that can make your heart sink, or make you think someone is cutting onions in a nearby kitchen. However, we cannot avoid laughing in some of the darker moments, as, despite the grim ridiculousness of the situation, we know that we will not suffer any of the horrifying consequences.

Thanks to a perfect blend of off-kilter humour and tragedy, Silent Night is as uncomfortably funny as remembering a good joke in a funeral. The film is an out of the blue and outside of the box oddity that works not only because of how timely it feels, but also as it has put together the best and worst of mankind and, on the process, reinforced the values of strength, love and kindness, which are sometimes present in human beings, and reminded us that we, even on our darkest moments, are capable of the worst.

Much like opening a present from your grandma and discovering that inside there is a sweater which is warm and ugly in equal measure, Silent Night might not be the best or the nicest Christmas film of them all, but it is the Christmas film we need.

I guess I will enjoy Christmas, regardless of my dislike of the season, after all, is not the end of the world. Or is it?